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GOOD MANNERS
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one -
"Robert, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" she asked.
"Just a minute, I have to go piss."
The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite!"
"What about you John, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, 'll be right back."
The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table."
"And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us
your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment,
I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll
get to meet after supper."
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LIFETIME OF SHAME
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. 'We live today in very
difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,' she said, 'ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?'
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, 'Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?'
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DIRTY MIND
A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz "behind my back I've got something red, round and you can eat it.
what is it?" she asked. "an apple" replied little Raymond "no," said the teacher " it's a tomato but it shows your thinking."
"I've now got something round, a greenish colored you can eat it." "An apple," replied little Ian "No it's an onion, but it shows your
thinking."
Little scruffy Johnny at the back of the class says "I've got something under my desk that's an inch long, white and it has a red end."
"Dirty little boy," said the teacher "No it's a match, but it shows you were thinking," he answered.
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MISTAKEN
This guy is in line at the Super Market when he notices a hot blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is stunned that such a hottie would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?" She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!" His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, "Christ!" he says "are you that stripper at my bachelor party that I had on the pool table in front of all my friends, while your partner whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?"
"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"
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IMPROVED MATHS
Little Johnnie was going to a public school and he was doing very badly in math's. So his mother decided to put he into a Catholic school. When she got his report card at the end of the term, his marks in math's had improved tremendously.
So she asked him why. He replied "When I saw that naked guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business"!
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